Any Given Moment

Grief is such a difficult thing to talk about.  Eight years ago today I lost someone I loved very unexpectedly and it rocked my world to the core.  Initially when grief hit it felt like I had forgotten how to breathe.  The things that used to happen so naturally like sleeping, smiling, laughing, and getting dressed now felt foreign and uncomfortable.  Feeling unable to breathe is painful but it feels appropriate since how can you go on as if everything is normal when you know some things will never be the same again.  The pain is almost comforting at first because it makes you feel connected to that person.  You feel like if you hurt enough it will keep you tied to them and them to this earth.  That somehow if your pain is enough somehow you’ll wake up and will have been nothing but a terrible dream. 

The first time I laughed after the accident I felt guilty but also relieved.  That’s why grief is so tricky is because there are no hard and fast rules about how to recover from the sadness.  The journey with grief is different for everyone.   How do you maintain a reverence for the person who you lost while still moving on with your life?  What is the right amount of time to be sad and the right amount of time to rejoice in memories of your loved one?  After the pain subsided I went through a phase of numbness.  I was so tired of hurting and over thinking everything that I just stopped feeling much at all.  It felt easier to disengage.  This didn't hurt as much but it also wasn't helping me heal.  I found out that by disconnecting from my sadness I was also disconnecting from other people. 

After a while I realized neither of those first responses was working for me.  I slowly started to accept that it was ok to feel normal most of the time but that sometimes something would trigger me and I would burst into tears and that it was simply going to be that way for a while.  I even realized that those triggers may happen periodically for the rest of my life although they continue to decrease in frequency and duration as time passes. 

In the past eight years I have learned to never take the people I love for granted.  I have learned to never stay mad for long, it simply isn't worth it.  I have become a stickler for people wearing seat belts and have yelled at people more than once for being careless and not wearing one.  I have learned that through great tragedy some wonderful things happened in the lives of people who knew him.  I have been delighted by stories of his life and how full it was even though it was way too short. I have been touched that people still remember him so vividly and that he meant so much to the people around him.  I have been humbled by the acknowledgement that God gives and God takes away.  I have been reminded that it is sin in the world that causes such awful tragedies and God simply helps make beautiful things out of the ashes.    I have been comforted by the knowledge that Mike is in heaven and that we will see him again one day.  I have been heart broken by realizing our future kids won’t get to meet and grow up with their amazing uncle.  But mostly I am thankful that I knew him and that we can continue to tell his story!

At any given moment your life can change. 

The ones we love

11/3/2013:

I had a hard time deciding whether to write this post.  This week was a tough one for me.  I have worked really hard to focus on the relationships and friendships that matter the most to me.  It has been the best part of my mid to late twenties.  I have such a better perspective on what matters.  This has meant that I have less friends but the quality of the friendships is infinitely better.  I love these dear friends deeply and would do anything for them.  On Monday I got a tough call, my best friend who is expecting her first baby saw a specialist and her pregnancy has been determined to be high risk due to placental deficiency.  They are closely monitoring her and the baby but she will spend the rest of her pregnancy on bed rest and if that doesn’t go well they will deliver her baby early. 

It broke my heart into a million pieces to hear her crying on the phone.  It made me feel so helpless that I couldn’t do anything for her during such a difficult time.  The same night I got a call and found out her husband was traveling the next weekend as well her mom and they asked if I could come keep her company.  I jumped at the chance to help however I could.  I prayed all week for healing and strength for my friend and her baby.  I also prayed for my strength that I would know what to do and say while I was there.  I knew she needed me to keep her still, keep her well fed, take care of their dog, etc. but beyond all that I knew I needed to try and cheer her up. 

I took a trip to Wal-Mart to get supplies and to keep myself busy.  I know presents don’t fix things but sometimes it’s nice to know someone thought of us and knew us well enough to know the type of things we would love.  I packed my suitcase full of girly movies, fashion magazines, pedicure supplies, crossword puzzles, a sleep mask, and comfy clothes for a weekend in.

I hugged her so hard when I saw her and we made the best of a tough situation.  We laughed and we cried and we talked about what all of this meant.  We talked about her fears and her excitement to meet to her little girl.  We talked about how much our lives had changed and how much we remained the same at the core of it all.  We talked about our dreams for our lives and we talked about how thankful we were for one another.  I introduced her to a ton of new shows to keep her glued to the couch.  Despite the awful circumstances it ended up being a really nice weekend together.    

As I head home I continue to pray for her and that precious baby girl.  I pray that God will help her keep a positive attitude and give her resolve to follow the doctors’ order even as she gets restless.  I pray for the baby to be strengthened in the coming weeks and that she will be born a healthy baby girl.  I absolutely cannot wait to meet her!  I believe firmly in the power prayer and since I don’t have anything else I can do I will be praying fervently for them.  I know that God reveals himself in tough times and that he can see them safely to the other side of this.  

Christmas Decorating Class

I saw the class on Living Social and figured it would be a fun way to start to get in the holiday spirit.  I was hoping it would be a good class but I wasn’t sure what to expect.  I was pleasantly surprised because it ended up being an awesome class.  The class was led by the owner of Rooms in Bloom, a Roswell based decorator and florist.  Paul walked us through the steps and methods for making wreaths, mantle pieces, votive holders, tree decorating, small arrangements, and stairway garland.  He used a few simple techniques that applied well to each type of décor.  I took copious notes and can’t wait to try a few of the items this Christmas.  My goal for this year is to make a mantle piece for the bookshelf in our living room, a new wreath for our door, a few votive holders, and two small arrangements for our table using beautiful birch wrapped holders I bought from the event.  Here are a few of my favorite pictures of his finished pieces and I’ll post my creations as I complete them, wish me luck!

Halloween

Most years I have a really hard time coming up with a costume but this year I knew pretty quickly I wanted to dress as one of my favorite cartoon characters from my teen years.   Daria was one of my favorite shows in my teen years because it was sarcastic and funny and seemed to really get what a weird time in life high school is.  I felt like I related a little bit to each of the characters.  I’ll admit I had to practice not smiling since my Georgette training makes not smiling for pictures hard for me but it was fun to play the part for the night.  I also loved rocking combat boots, Kyle isn’t sold on them but I really liked them so I may have to get some of my own.  

It was also a fun night because at the annual Halloween party we go to every year they announced the gender of their baby and his name.  We are so excited for them!  They are going to be great parents and their little boy is going to be such a cutie, we can’t wait to meet Owen!

Here are some of my favorite pictures from the evening.

Atlanta Botanical Gardens - Fest of Ale

I absolutely love the Atlanta Botanical Gardens!  Especially after visiting Montreal I wanted to make sure to see the Mosaiculture exhibit at the Atlanta gardens before the exhibit ended.  The evening was made even more fun because in celebration of the fall they had scarecrows all over the garden.  Each one was designed and constructed by various local groups.  They were so fun and festive!  There was also a pumpkin carving competition and a live bluegrass band.  My parents joined us for the evening as well as our friends Brandon and Larissa.  It was perfect weather and such a fun evening!

The earth goddess at the Atlanta Botanical Gardens was gorgeous as well and there were other fun imaginary world creatures around the garden such as a unicorn, a big shaggy dog, two serpents, and an ogre.  We took lots of pictures and enjoyed a beautiful sunset over the city skyline.  I’m so glad we renewed our membership so we can plan a few more fun trips over the course of the year.  Our next visit will be for my favorite time of year when they have Lights in the garden and cover the whole garden with sparkling lights and décor.  I can’t believe how quickly this year is flying by but it’s been a wonderful one so far!