Ball of Yarn

During our engagement retreat at Camp Winshape (many moons ago, almost 5 years ago) they talked about this incredibly accurate and memorable description for the differences in the way people think about things. While this traditionally falls into male and female gender roles it does not always. They divided people into two groups based on the way they process thoughts. The first group which is the group I fall in (as do most women) are ball of yarn thinkers. Let me explain.

Ball of yarn thinkers are often able to think on many complex things at once and the changes in thoughts are often linked by mental or emotional connections. The string of thought processes can continue to link and journey on until interrupted. Here is an example: While making breakfast I mention out loud that I love the picture of Hawaii on the cover of the magazine on the counter, internally this reminds me of the trip we went on in January of last year, which triggers me to think about the friends we made on the trip, which prompts me to remember that one of their birthdays is coming up, which reminds me that I need to check Facebook for the date for their annual birthday screen on the green event, in thinking about our calendar I remember that I have a dentist appointment next week, so I mention to Kyle about the appointment

The issue with this is that when talking to Kyle I mention the first and the last thought but don’t mention the 5 thought process connections I made to get there and will simply look at him and blurt out a statement about the last item. He has adjusted well now and generally just rolls with it but sometimes my seemingly random statements catch him off guard. Sometimes he even asks me now to explain how I got there, it fascinates him since it is not how his brain is wired.

The other set of people think in one room brains. They are very efficient and focused thinkers. They focus on one thought or a series of closely related thoughts at a time. Once done with that train of thought they exit that room and enter another room. This is especially helpful in stressful situations; if they can force themselves to leave that room/thought then they can move on to thinking about something else. Ball of yarn thinkers are at constant risk of a thought connecting and triggering to a stressful thought and it is difficult for them to compartmentalize the stressful thoughts/feelings.

No one is clearly one way or the other but most people have a strong tendency towards one of these methods of thinking. It has been very helpful to us in our married life and in particular during arguments to understand the way the other person thinks. It is my ball of yarn brain that makes it necessary for me to have a longer cool down time-frame after a stressful event or argument. It is also the reason that Kyle has higher intensity during arguments and then is able to recover faster. It is just proof that God wired us all a little differently and that it is often our differences that help us balance one another out in our relationships.