I guess we’re at that age. . .

I’m not sure the best way to write this without seeming simultaneously completely self-involved and unthinkably callous.  I’ve often found writing helps me process so here goes my attempt to verbalize my recent inner thoughts.  As my 29^th birthday approaches quietly and quickly like a ship in the night I realize that we are at the age when our friends are having kids, intentionally.  At least once a week I see a new announcement on Facebook.  I am genuinely happy when I see these but also genuinely wonder when I became old enough for this to be happening.  I think it would be easier for me to process if we were at that stage in our lives as well.  We are getting close, but we are not there yet. 

Each new announcement brings a wave of glee and excitement for our friends.  The excitement is often quickly followed by a quiet panic.  This comes in the form of inner questioning and thinking that somehow we are odd because we aren't ready yet.  That everyone has internal biological clocks set to the same time and we just keep hitting the snooze button.  I have prayed a lot about this odd mix of feelings that continue to surface.  Each time I seem to feel like inner peace which helps remind me that I think the plan we have is the one God has in mind for us but it does not prevent that initial reaction from my inner voices.    

This is increasingly challenging because we get asked regularly.  There is not an easy way to explain to people who have kids and who swear it was the best choice in the lives why we are waiting as long as we are.  We explain about Kyle’s doctoral program and how we’d like to move into a more family friendly space first.  Some people cheer us on for taking our time but others just don’t get it. This gets particularly tricky for me to process when I hear about our friends having issues with fertility or complications with their pregnancies.  One makes me feel like it would be better to find out about issues while we are younger and the other makes me terrified to enter into that process at all.  I just have to have faith and continue to pray about all these things.  

On a positive note check out some the adorable announcements that have been posted lately.  We are going to have some precious little babies to spoil in the near future.